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- F R R E E B B A A G E 2 2
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- F R R E E B B A A G G E 2
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-
- **** Professional Bernsteining ****
- April 19, 1989 by DISMAY 12:00p.m.
-
-
- Hello again! Welcome to part 2 of the Freebage series. I
- hope you have read Freebage Part 1: A Beginner's Guide to
- Bernsteining. If you haven't, locate that file and read it before
- you read this. It describes some basic Bernsteining techniques and
- gives some definitions to the terms used in this series. Part 1
- dealt with hoarking in places such as bars, and grocery stores. In
- this issue I will talk about more challenging targets, such as
- amusement parks, and concert events. Actually, these places can be
- quite easy to get into, with some brains, and a little luck.
-
-
- ******************************************************
- Chilling toaster ovens and unidentified pizza rolls...
- ******************************************************
-
- Alrighty kiddies, let's begin. Suppose you hit the weekend
- without a cent in your pocket. No worries. You know that you can do
- things that an ordinary person would not dare. If you have any kind
- of amusement park, or theme park near where you live, it is very much
- possible to spend the day there without spending money, and without
- having to climb over a fence. All you need to do it is some
- intelligence, and a good knack for bullshitting. Try not to look too
- much like a scum ball. Look like a tourist. If you are going to do
- it at Disney World, wear a Mickey Mouse shirt, etc. You have to
- realize that most all of the people who work at these places are
- teenagers and young people in general. They aren't too concerned of
- being really strict, just to stand in place and grab tickets from
- people filing by. Now, you have arrived at the park, and are at the
- front gate. What you must do is wait for a large group of tourist
- looking people to be going in. The larger, the better. The best
- groups are ones with a lot of handicapped or mentally retarded
- people. In groups such as these, the tickets for the entire group
- are handled by one or two people. If you see something like this
- happening, go towards the entrance. As they start to file in, blend
- in with them. If only one of this group has the tickets, you are in
- luck. Try to act either really excited, or emotional about entering
- the park. If you are with retarded people, act a little slow, it
- isn't hard to do. Make sure you are in the middle of the group.
- Even the group shouldn't notice you until you are well inside, and by
- then you should be separated from them. If you want, put your arm
- around someone in the group as you pass through the gate. Say out
- loud "Isn't it great to go see Mickey!!!" Make sure that the person
- you have your arm around gets excited, but doesn't freak out. They
- should thing that you are just someone having a really good time.
- Sometimes they really enjoy this. Now, you've been sitting around
- the park entrance for an hour, and no group has come. Well, there is
- usually a large line of people entering the park. If you see that
- the line is moving in a fairly fast stream, this is good. Get in
- line. When you get up to the ticket person, act retarded or whatever
- you think will work and mutter to the employee, "he's (or she's) got
- my tickets," as you gesture behind you. By the time you squeeze
- through the gates and are inside far enough away, they will realize
- that there is one ticket missing from the whole deal, but most of the
- people who work at these places won't care. Sometimes when I have
- done this, the people in back of be have been refused entrance. I
- like when that happens. If you were lucky and got in this way, good.
- There isn't too much to worry about, as long as you weren't in sight
- when they discovered what was going on. If you put on a good
- mentally retarded act, you shouldn't be questioned. Alright, what if
- there are no lines at all, or next to no lines. This is when
- bullshitting is your only tool to get in. Check out the people
- taking tickets. If it is slow they will be talking amongst
- themselves. Look for the person who is the "outcast" or not talking
- to the others. This may mean that they are shy, or new. Slowly walk
- towards their line. If you have a hat, mash it down onto your head.
- When you get to them talk slowly and softly. Tell them that you were
- in the park with your mother and got lost. If you are older than a
- kid that would be with his mother, act retarded. Drool a bit. Tell
- them that you were with your mother and you got separated. You got
- really scared that she left, so you went out to the car, which was
- the only place that you knew how to get to for sure. When you got to
- the car you remembered her telling you before you went in that
- morning, "if we get separated meet me at the xxxxxx." Fill in with
- something that you know is in the park. If they ask you for a stub
- or something, act like you don't understand. If they tell you that
- you can't go in without a ticket, start to cry. Stick to the story.
- If they get someone like a manager, stay with the story. Get more
- and more flustered and whiny the more they question you. Get them
- tears flowing!! It's good theatrics, and really fun to see how these
- people react to you. Tell them all you want to do is get to the
- place your mother told you to meet her at and wait there for her.
- You might have an employee escort you to the spot. This has happened
- to me once, and that experience will be told about in Sportsage. If
- they find a person to escort you to the fictitious meeting place,
- seem relieved that you are there. Of corse, your mother will be no
- where around. Tell them that you will have to wait there for her.
- After a few minutes of waiting they will either leave you alone there
- to wait, making you promise that you won't go anywhere, or they will
- ask you to leave. One thing, this method only works when you are
- alone. It would be hard to do this with more than 1 person. If
- they leave you alone, make sure they aren't going to be back in a
- while, then take off. You might want to wait until they come back to
- check up on you, that way they will really thing you are waiting for
- your mother. This method takes a long time to complete, but you feel
- really good when you successfully pull it off. There are other ways
- like these that I have described, it's all up to your creative
- abilities. If you come up with any that work well, let me know, I
- will gladly put them in a future issue of Freebage.
-
- Other notes... besides retarded people, you can grab onto
- old people too. They often come to theme parks in large groups, so
- they are a good target too! If you are stopped inside and accused of
- sneaking in, tell them you had a ticket and tell them to prove that
- you didn't. I don't think that there is a park that requires you to
- always carry a stub around proving that you paid to get in. The only
- time I have been questioned at a park was when I used to hop the
- fence at Busch Gardens. If they see you enter like this they will
- most definitely go after you. Going in the front way is a lot better
- because the most they can make you do is get out of the way. If you
- are stuck at the gate, and they are asking for a ticket, and you told
- them that the people behind you had it, and it gets fouled up
- somehow, act like the people you pointed to weren't the people that
- you meant. Say something like "holy cow, the people I were with are
- gone! They were right behind me!" This won't get you in, but it will
- keep you out of trouble. When this happens, leave the gate area and
- act pissed off that your friends left you, and try to get in later.
- It helps if there is more than one entrance. Also, if you are going
- with friends, go in separately. Unless you can squeeze in with a
- large group of tourists, it isn't advisable to be together. Have a
- meeting place arranged beforehand so that you can get back together
- once inside. This all sounds real complicated, but it's almost too
- easy! As I said before, most of the people who work at these places
- are kids, and don't want to be bothered chasing after someone who
- squeezes through their line. So! Try this out and see what happens!
-
-
- ***********************************************
- Excruciating Flatulence and Live Zen Worship...
- ***********************************************
-
- Taking the things I have talked about in hand, you
- adapt them towards other things, such as getting into concerts.
- There are a few things that are concert specific, though. A
- crowd at a concert is much different from one at an amusement
- park. It is a lot harder to sneak into a concert than a park,
- because there are not "tourist groups" to blend into. Also, you
- usually get frisked. One method that has been used is fairly
- simple. You just have to find a ticket stub. If you can get
- one, get it. You may have to wait for someone leaving the show
- to give you their's. Or, if you know someone who has paid, have
- them hand you the stub through a gate, or some place that you can
- "intersect" around the place where the concert is held. If
- you are more daring, try this method... go to the place of the show
- early in the day. Try to get around to where the equipment is being
- loaded into the arena, or whatever the place is. If you can,
- slip in and find a place to hide out until the show starts. This
- can be hard, and takes a lot of patience. Again, if you can, use
- the skills taught in the last chapter. Another good ploy is the
- wheelchair method. A big show should have a separate handicapped
- entrance. Have a friend wheel you to it. Be covered with blankets,
- and have on a lot of the band's junk, like shirts, hats, etc, so that
- you look like a real fan. The best kind of handicapped person
- to be is one that can't talk, that just sits and does nothing much.
- Now, let me get something straight with you, I am not prejudiced
- against handicapped people, this is simply a method used to enter
- places for free. I am sure that anyone handicapped in this way
- who reads this will find it moderately amusing. Enough said. Okay,
- you are at the handicapped entrance, and they ask for your tickets.
- You, of corse, can't talk. Drool a little. If you had a friend
- bring you in, they sould say something like "oh they are with the
- rest of the guys who are in another line." Have him ask the ticket
- takers to let you and your wheelchair sit inside so you won't get into
- any trouble. When he goes off, slowly wheel yourself to a good spot,
- and when they ticket takers aren't looking, slide in. A wheelchair
- is also a real good way of smuggling things into a concert, be it
- drugs, cameras, or tape decks. The topic of tape decks and cameras
- will be dealt with in the file "Bootleggage". Look for it soon heh.
- So, with all this, and a little flavor of your own, you will be able
- to Hoark with the best.
-
- *****************
- Finale, Finalo...
- *****************
-
- Well, that does it for this issue of Freebage. Look for
- Sportsage coming soon. Sportsage is a story about me and two friends
- geting into the Super Bowl. I was going to make it a chapter in
- Freebage 2, but it's going to be quite a large file. Also, as
- mentioned before, look for Bootleggage, a guide to taping, filming,
- and bootlegging concerts.
-
- And, as usual, please don't mess up the file. If you want to
- distribute, I like that, but if you do, don't change anything. Any
- additions that you think should be made, write yourself into a
- separate file, and get to me. It will be included in a future
- addition of Freebage. Hopefully I can get some people to write up
- a few things and put out a regular Tri or Bi monthly Freebage. If
- you have any suggestions, please address them to me, DISMAY. I can
- currently be reached at...um...well..probally wherever you found
- this file. Heh heh.
-
- Until next time, may your Hoarking be good and Bernstein your
- way to hell.
-
-
-
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